Beauty in the unnoticed

Have you ever felt so unnoticed, unwanted, or undesirable, like a background character in life?

I have. When you have gone unnoticed for so long, when no one truly sees the fullness of who you are, when no one appreciates you the way you appreciate them, you begin to find comfort in being unseen. You start to feel a sense of calm in being undesirable. You begin to believe that your place is in the background, where nobody cares. In a strange way, it feels safe because there are no expectations for those in the background, no demands placed on those nobody notices. You can just live your life quietly, observing others live theirs. And after a while, you begin to prefer it. You grow so accustomed to the quietness and loneliness of your life that the thought of bearing the weight of being seen, feels foreign, even hard to imagine. It’s a life I don’t think I will fully ever grasp.

The media portrayal of the woman unnoticed vs how I see them

Two of my favourite films are The Mirror Has Two Faces and Bridget Jones’s Diary.

Both films share a common portrayal of women, depicting them as unconventional, lacking confidence, socially awkward, and falling outside society’s standard of beauty. I used to dislike how these stories often led the female characters to change themselves for a man or seek confidence through a specific look or goal weight. However, in the end, they realised that these efforts were in vain. It was never enough to satisfy the men they longed for, and ultimately, they returned to their true selves. This serves as a reminder of the importance of staying true to who you are,not changing yourself for anyone and finding happiness in your own skin.

But when I look at these women in the films, I see nothing but beauty. I see them for who they really are, brimming with personality, wit, and a unique beauty unlike anything else. Their hearts, their smiles, their passion for the things they love, these qualities radiate a beauty that spoke to me deeply and made me realise this is what I prefer. This is what I truly want: the beauty of being myself, whoever she is. It is a way of being that I long to replicate in my own life. In many ways, I have always felt drawn to women like that, to characters like that, because I see what I want for myself in them. I wanted to be like them, not what the world deems beautiful or desirable, but something different. I wanted to have substance, to possess something that sets me apart. Over time, I discovered that the women who were overlooked, dismissed, or unseen often have the brightest light within them and not everyone will see or recognise it.

I wish more films depicted women simply living their lives, finding comfort and peace in being themselves, without the constant pursuit of perfection or attractiveness. I feel like there is so much pressure on women to always perform, to exist in a polished state. Whether for the pleasure of men, competition with other women, or the expectation to be a ‘boss lady’ (which, admittedly, I quite like), we often forget, even within ourselves, that we are only human. We should be allowed to exist and that being enough. 

There is more than meets the eye

These women are real, and in a world obsessed with superficiality, it is easy to feel overlooked. But God does not. God sees those who are rejected by society. He does not overlook the ones who are not placed on pedestals. He also calls those who are dismissed, those whom the world ignores, and He sees them with purpose, value, and love. 

In truth, I found belonging in the background, not because I have settled for ‘less’, or because society says I belong there. But because I have come to understand that there is a quiet yet expressive beauty in standing apart from the rest of the world.  I try and see people, the way God does, with admiration, reverence, and a deep appreciation for their uniqueness. I often align myself with them, because I have realised that true worth is not tied to outward appearances or status. There is meaning in being unseen by the world yet fully seen by God.

I don’t want to live in a reality that constantly fixates on appearances. That’s not to say we shouldn’t take care of ourselves or present ourselves well, but that this looks different for everyone. Beauty isn’t found in conformity, it thrives in individuality and difference!

Why are we, the unnoticed, beautiful?

There is a beauty in being unnoticed, because there is where our light shines so brightly, where others can’t dim it. The people who are meant to see it will. There will be a time you will be noticed, but by the right people, at the right time. There is beauty in not feeling the need to conform, and there is a deep freedom in that. There is liberation in being yourself, fully and without compromise.

How splendid it is to find comfort and a grace in being unseen, in being in the background, not because society says you belong there, but because you have embraced the fact that you are not for everyone. Your light is exclusive, and that makes it all the more precious.

Anu Aborisade