In life, I’ve noticed that many people often search and spend their whole lives seeking validation from others, whether it’s to feel a sense of belonging, to affirm experiences, realities, or to find a sense of themselves. But how often do we seek validation from ourselves? How often do we take the time to ask, What do I truly want? What do I genuinely care about? Why does the voice of others matter more to me than my own?
The truth is, if you live solely for the acceptance of others, you will fall apart at their rejection. This is a powerful realisation because it shows that your life shouldn’t begin or end with the approval of others.
Why do we seek validation?
One question that can help at the start of the self-approval journey is to analyse why you seek validation from others. Could it stem from a yearning to feel wanted, desired, or cared for? To feel seen? But how often do you care for yourself, see yourself, and appreciate what you see? If we placed those same expectations on ourselves instead of waiting for others to meet them, imagine how much better life could be if we cultivated a positive outlook on who we are rather than relying on the perceptions of others.
How can I self approve?
To begin with, speak life and positive affirmations to yourself as often as you can. Keeping a gratitude journal helps build a sense of wellness and support in your life. Spend time with yourself: take yourself out for coffee, watch a movie alone, and become comfortable being in your own company. This will help you value yourself, your time, and your presence. It will also boost your self-confidence and courage, affirming that you can really do anything you set your heart and mind to, and you know yourself enough now to trust that to be true.
Self-belief is also crucial. Many successful people were labeled "delusional" early in their journey when no one else could see or understand their vision. What they had was a strong sense of self-belief, knowing who they were and what they wanted to become. That belief fueled their success. They valued themselves first.
Lastly, self appreciation allows you to thrive in your own life. You won’t feel the need to compete with others, and it removes the urge to compare yourself to them. Comparison is truly the thief of joy, so don’t let it steal yours. Peace comes when you begin to seek self approval. By focusing solely on yourself—your own path and life—you’ll notice that the crowd of opinions, the people you once thought you needed to fit in with, simply fades away. It becomes just you and your world.
So what’s the verdict?
Stop worrying about the world of others and how they perceive you; they just end up putting you in a box you don’t belong in. When your word becomes the most important thing to you, that’s the beginning of your inner peace. This peace comes through getting to know yourself, by spending time with yourself, dreaming, discovering your unique style and voice, exploring what you love, and trying new things. Through that, you will eventually no longer see yourself through the eyes of others but through the lens of your own.
Anu Aborisade
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