Nobody’s listening

Nobody is listening,

I scream so loud, but, even now I can’t hear the sound.

Anger floods up inside of me, but the pain is numb and identifies in the invisible.

I want to tear the world down, shout on top of a hill, break down and cry in a corner all alone and feel the comfort of the wind, the cold air and the soft grass.

I feel sometimes I’m so unrelenting, unspecific and not worthy of taking the time to know. The feelings of my past trauma creep up, the scatter of the world has triggered and all the healing I’ve done has withered, back to square one, falling into that dark space.

I keep sinking, sinking, knees tucked to my chest. I’m surrounded by the pitch black atmosphere, searching for a star in sight.

I don’t know how to relate, I don’t know how to understand, I’m just not understood.

I just want to breathe.

For every breath to be enough to grant me the solace I yearn… the breath that brings a sound mind with waves of clarity and a breath that resembles the calm possible in life.

Like how I imagine myself sitting on a beach watching the sunset in the warm weather and watching the water change colour by the mere reflection of the sun’s endeavour.

Anu Aborisade